Have you ever been listening to a Woodland sermon and suddenly thought of a really good question?
Well, while we don’t encourage hollering out a question at the stage, we do encourage electronically hollering your questions to Dan and Shawna at the MuseCast.
Recently, we received a couple great questions on Cedrick Baker’s sermon “The Way of Integrity.” The answers were pretty good, too, and we thought we’d share some excerpts with you!
1. My sister is an RN, and there are many days when she doesn’t feel like being cheerful and encouraging. Is it hypocritical for anyone to put on a happy face in service industries?
Dan: I would say no, it is not hypocritical. The job in a service industry is to create an ambience or an experience for the customer. That is what you’re getting paid to do.
Now, if when you say, “I don’t feel like putting on a happy face,” if you are actually grieving or depressed or whatever, maybe you might need to take some time off. But if it’s just general malaise, kind of, “I’m just not feeling like it today,” it is not hypocritical to put on a happy face because there is a certain affect that you are being paid for.
When I was in college, I worked at Planet Hollywood. I was a server, and you had to be really fun. It was a place where families could come and celebrate Hollywood and food and a good time. You couldn’t go there weeping and full of pity and all that kind of stuff. You had to put it on.
This was during a time shortly after Jessica died, and I was going through a lot of grief. It helped to do that job. Even though inside I was grieving, it kind of put me in a different mindset where I could mimic the jolliness. It really was a nice little respite from the feelings I was experiencing.
So I don’t think it’s hypocritical. I think it would be more hypocritical to put on a happy face and to pretend you’re jolly when you’re not in your personal relationships. That’s where you’re going to have problems, because in a personal relationship, people want to relate with who you really are. They don’t want to relate with an avatar of yourself. They want to relate with you. So that’s where it becomes a lot more important to just be how you actually are.
Shawna: Yeah, we are on the same page. My first thought was: well, your work—especially if you’re in a service industry—you need to do your job, and hopefully you want to do it well. Sometimes that means you work when you’re not feeling well. You work when things are going on in life. You work when devastating things have just occurred. You work when you’re really going through something and processing it.
Sometimes you don’t have the ability, the time—there’s a million reasons why you have to continue to go to work. Especially in a service industry, I think if you are able to—they used to say, “fake it till you make it.” I hate that phrase, but sometimes it’s so apropos. Realistically, the are times that’s what you need to do in your job situation.
I do not at all—even one percent—think it’s hypocritical, because you are doing a job. I agree: the rub for me is when you are around your people, those that you have invited into your life, your community. That’s where hopefully you can find that you are able to be real and say, “I just don’t have it today. I am not happy-go-lucky, jolly.”
That’s where, at least from my perspective—and I feel like that’s what Cedrick was saying—that’s where you want to have integrity and just be real with who you are and not hide. Now, even in our personal life with our community, there’s wisdom. Not everyone can handle your stuff. It takes wisdom to know. But my point is, and my prayer is, that you hopefully have people in your inner circle that you can just be real with and live in full integrity.
2. There are a few areas my husband and I are trying not to be a stumbling block to his very fundamental legalistic parents. Is it hypocritical to hide our choice of music or games in order to not offend them in silly preferences?
Dan: Yeah, another good question. That’s a really good question. I think there’s a lot of nuances that you have to consider for your particular situation. I would ask a couple of things.
On one hand: is there value in fighting a war over your music preferences? What’s best for that relationship? What best serves love in that relationship?
If you were to come in with a Megadeth t-shirt or a Kanye West t-shirt or whatever that irritates them, just to kind of stand your ground and say, “This is who I am, and I’m different than you”—you could make that stand, and maybe through a struggle around that topic, they might see something in your preferences that they didn’t see before. There could be a potential path there where you find some reconciliation around your leisure time music preferences.
But at the same time—is it worth it? Is it worth that big battle?
If you don’t think there would be any payoff to that, then I don’t think it’s hypocritical to say, “This is my music preference, and they don’t like this music. In fact, they think that it’s unholy in some way.” On one hand, it might not be worth the battle. And on the second point, it’s sort of an act of hospitality to just defer to their preferences.
But there are other things too. This is where the personal situation becomes really important. If they are really controlling, and if they have used that control and that legalism in a way that has been oppressive, and has made you feel diminished and like you’re not your own person—the first thing to do is to talk about that. Not to come in with a t-shirt and blaring your music to make a point. It’s better if you can just start having conversations about that.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with listening to music that they find offensive. But at the same time, you just have to ask the question: what’s best for this relationship here?
Shawna: In those types of situations—this is going to sound like I’ve arrived, and we all know I have not—but I do like to ask myself: what does love look like in this situation? Even when it’s something petty like music choice or the games I like to play or movies I like to watch—what does love look like in this situation? What is this relationship? How much do I value it? How can I be loving in this matter?
For me, what I’ve come to in most cases—again, we’re not talking about abuse or trying to strong-arm you or any of that stuff—I’m just saying when it comes to, “This is my preference because of my beliefs,” in entertainment and all that stuff, I kind of look at it as: if there was someone in my life who had struggled with alcohol, because I love them, I’m not going to invite them over for a wine and cheese night. I’m just not going to do that.
You consider others. That scripture about considering others—I think it comes into play. So no, I don’t think it’s hypocritical. In fact, it sounds quite loving. I agree, there are times to make a stand and stand for things. But you have to look at your motivations, your intent, and your heart. Is music choice, is game choice— is that really worth the battle?
Yeah. And that’s a question that only those involved in the situation can answer. But as it’s written, looks to me like a very loving and respectful interaction, and not hypocritical at all.
Dan: Yes. I like that—hip hip hypocritical!!
Got questions? Send yours to musecast@whchurch.org.
