Shawna Boren looks at the phrase “love is not easily angered,” which is an appropriate challenge in our current culture. She names what anger is and how it undermines love. Then she gives insight into how we can navigate this emotion in healthy ways.
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Love Never Fails
• Shawna Boren
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In this final sermon in the Love Is series, Shawna Boren lays out a fifth credential of agape love from 1 Corinthians 13. She addresses that love is not “easily angered.” This is a huge issue in our current cultural context, where it seems like people are so quickly incited at the smallest things. Anger has become a way of life for so many. In Galatians 5:13-15 we read: “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” If we are going to live in love, we must recognize this, see it for what it is and develop strategies so that we can move in the opposite direction.
Anger is not in itself bad; it is a signal, a messenger trying to tell us to pay attention to something important. The challenge is not the feeling of anger, but how we respond to the anger we are feeling. It is an emotion that we feel when something gets in the way of a desired outcome or when we believe there’s a violation of the way things should be.
When we feel anger, we believe that someone or something else is to blame for an unfair or unjust situation, and that something must be done to resolve the problem. When anger shows up, it wants to take over the driver’s seat and it fuels the almost primal urge to fight, defend, strike out or shut down.
Anger is not actually the first emotion, but it is the loudest. It covers other things like disappointment, fear, or shame. It’s just much easier to express anger than it is to deal with these underlying issues. It takes work to deal with our anger and what feeds it. And when we don’t deal with it, it will take a toll on our mental and physical health. Any level of rage, anger or contempt over a long period of time will make us exhausted and sick.
Shawna identifies three things to help us respond to our feelings of anger. First, name the emotion. We have to acknowledge our emotion because we cannot heal what we don’t bring to the light.
Secondly, get curious. Slow down enough to notice what your body is feeling and what might be driving it. Getting curious also works when you are dealing with others who are expressing anger. When someone lashes out, instead of firing back, ask, “What pain might they be carrying?” Instead of being consumed by anger, we can hold it, examine it and offer it to God.
The third thing we can do is to breathe before we speak. When you’re angry, your nervous system is not interested in peace or wisdom, just survival. Taking a breath moves you from reactivity to regulation as it allows you to honor your feelings enough to deliver them with intention rather than destruction. Breathing before you speak might save a conversation, or even a relationship.
Hide Extended SummaryTopics: Fear, Love, Relationships
Sermon Series: Love Is, Wholehearted
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The MuseCast: October 12
Focus Scripture:
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1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
