In 1 Corinthians 6:16, Paul writes: “Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, ‘The two shall be one flesh.’”
So, does this mean that sex creates a marriage?
To answer that, we need to start with Genesis 2:24 which most Jews and Christians have viewed as the original establishment of the marriage covenant.
Genesis 2:23-24 uses language that clearly signals the creation of a covenant relationship between the man and woman (i.e., “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” is widely recognized as a covenant formula). This covenantal nature of marriage is reiterated by Jesus in Matthew 19:3-6, when he states that the “one flesh” reality is grounded in an action of God whereby he “joins” the couple. In developing this theme in 1 Corinthians 6 , Paul makes explicit what seems to be implicit in the teachings of both Genesis and Jesus—namely that sexual union is part of the covenant-making process that creates the relationship that we call marriage.
However, while sexual union is part of the covenant making process that we call marriage, sexual union by itself does not create a marriage. If it did, then there would be no such sin as “premarital sex,” since the sex itself would instantly create a marriage! The problem with claiming that having sex equals entering a marriage is that this claim does not properly understand the nature of marital covenant-making.
At a basic level, a covenant requires three things: (1) covenant promises; (2) spoken in the presence of witnesses (community); and (3) a covenant sign that ongoingly signifies the essence of the vows. In a marriage covenant, this looks like (1) the marriage vows; (2) spoken in front of witnesses that represent the couple’s community; and finally (3) sexual union, which is the ongoing covenant sign of the male-female marriage covenant.
This means that having sexual union before the exchange of covenant promises in the presence of witnesses is “signing” a covenant promise that has never been made. Notice, however, that even though the promises have not been spoken, the sexual union itself does do something to the couple—it still effects some sort of “one flesh” reality— but now it is a one flesh union that has not been made within the bounds of a verbally expressed covenant. This is both dangerous and unwise! It is also illogical—why would two people “sign” covenant promises that have not yet been made? That would be something like “signing” a check to pay a bill when you know that there is no money in the checking account. We call that “fraud”!
So, what should a couple do if they have had premarital sex? Two things should happen depending on how God is leading the couple. (1) If the couple believes that God has called them to a marriage, then they should complete the marriage by speaking the covenant promises in the presence of witnesses. (2) If the couple does not believe that God has called them to a marriage, then they should repent of sexual union, asking God to heal them from the joining and then tearing apart of the sexual “one flesh” experience. The good news is that God desires to forgive and heal any sexual mistakes that we have made in our lives!
