At Woodland we see a significant difference between “forgiving” a person who has wronged us, and actually reestablishing a reconciled and trusting relationship with that person. The central reason God calls us to forgive people is because unforgiveness turns into internal resentment and bitterness and these harden our hearts in ways that negatively affect our relationship with God, ourselves and other people.
This is why Jesus calls us to always be proactive in forgiving others. For example, in the very center of the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus says that we are to pray “Father, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us” (Matthew 6:12). If there is someone who we are not forgiving in our lives then this is a very dangerous prayer to pray! Because it literally is saying: “Father, to the degree that I forgive others, that is the degree to which I am asking you to forgive me.” Then in Mark 11:25, Jesus ties our forgiveness of others to the effectiveness of our prayers. Once again, Jesus shows the importance of forgiveness when Peter asks him if he should forgive someone “seven times,” and Jesus says: “Not seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22).
However, the important thing to see here is that forgiveness does NOT mean condoning the wrong the person did, or saying it wasn’t a big deal. Forgiveness isn’t just “forgetting” or preventing the other person from experiencing consequences for what they did. And forgiveness certainly isn’t pretending nothing happened and jumping right back into “trusting” the other person again. To ever trust someone who has hurt us requires repentance and trust-building actions on their part.
We can understand the balance here when we realize that the biblical concept of forgiveness is simply setting someone else free from a “debt” they owe us due to something they have done against us. And the reason we are called to always “set others free” is because God has “set us free” from the things we did against him (see Colossians 3:13). This is such an important key to forgiveness: The primary reason we forgive others isn’t really even about them – it’s about doing to others what God has already done for us. We forgive others for God’s sake! Forgiveness is also an important way to do spiritual warfare, because when we don’t forgive others, it gives Satan a “foothold” in our lives (see 2 Corinthians 2:10-11).
God’s hope when we forgive is that this will serve to soften the person’s heart and that they will experience regret, will repent, and do what they can to reconcile the relationship. But the good news is that, even if they don’t do this, we can still “let it go” and not have it harden and damage our own heart. We can still forgive them, pray blessing on them, and know that, ultimately, God will be the one who will deal with them and what they have done (Romans 12:17-21).
Recommended Resources
- Unconditional? The Call of Jesus to Radical Forgiveness by Brian Zahnd
- Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope by Everett Worthington
